Mysophobia II: The Return of Hal

You may remember my friend Hal that I told you about in a post called “Mysophobia” . If you’re not sure what I am referring to, go back and read the aforementioned post and you will feel the full force of what I am about to relate.

Hal and I have known each other for about three and a half years now and we have maybe shaken hands about twice. This is because he insists on giving me “dap”. Now dap can take many forms but it usually involves some kind of slapping or tapping of the fist or palm. In Hal’s case he always makes a fist and extends it toward me (much like a slow motion punch) and I am expected to do the same so that the fronts of our fists make contact then we each retract our fist. This is his usual daily routine when he sees me for the first time on a given day.

Call me old-fashioned but sometimes I prefer the good ol’ right hand of Christian fellowship. But even when I have offered my hand in handshake fashion, Hal will extend his fist thus bypassing the handshake and initiating dap. He finally caught me on a morning when I was feeling particularly saucy. So after our usual dap ritual, I said “I notice you never shake hands with anyone.”

Hal: Yeah, that’s because I just *extends fist*

Josh: Yeah, I know but do you do that to people at church too?

Hal: To most of them.

Josh: But what about just a good ol’ handshake?

Hal: Well…some people just don’t, ya know.

Josh: …

Hal: Well this way *extends fist* the germs only get on my knuckles. That way if later I *touches face with palm* then I don’t have to worry about anything.

Josh: So you do it to avoid germs?

Hal: Look! Some people just don’t clean their hands good. You wouldn’t believe the people in this building (i.e. at our place of employment) who use the bathroom and walk out without washing their hands!

Josh: But you know I do. You’ve seen me. We’ve talked about it.

Hal: I don’t know. I just try to be careful. Anyway, I’m gonna let you get back to work. I’ve got some stuff to do. Hope you have a great day.

Josh: You too, Hal. *extends hand for handshake*

Hal: *extends fist*

Josh H.

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